If there’s one rule in life to follow, it’s this: If something seems too good to be true, it usually is.
Take a festival that promises unlimited cheese and mulled wine, for example.
You conjure up dreams of swimming in a fondue of gruyere, using little slices of soda bread for paddles and taking breaths only to streamline some hot, spicy wine.
The reality, however, is a few chunks of dried up brie and a pile of yeasty crumbs.
This weekend was the Giant Cheese Board – a cheese festival that promised to be the answer to everyone’s cheesy dreams.
For nearly £40, visitors were told to expect unlimited free cheese and mulled wine served by waiters dressed as mice.
So loads of people turned up…
…and it was a total disaster
Last night’s fiasco. The marketing: ‘The Giant Cheese Board’, “a massive, oversized cheese board. One you can walk around on as if you're in a giants kitchen”- the best artisan cheeses from across Europe, including a huge baked Camembert, unlimited mulled wine, cheesecake and double-size fireplaces. The reality: plates of chopped up British cheeses, mostly hard, some caterers packs of chutney, no Camembert (baked or not), queues for cold and very sweet ‘low alcohol’ mulled wine, no cheesecake, and a screen projecting the image of a fire. Hmm. #ripoff #falseadvertising #cheese #giantcheeseboard
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The main problem? No cheese
The only thing giant about this cheese board was that it was a total giant waste of time. 5 different types of cheese are you fucking kidding me, no giant camembert, ran out of bread, chorizo, crackers, grapes, cold mulled wine, 90 minute wait to get in #giantcheeseboard
— Kevin Chun (@peanutter571) December 16, 2017
And bad mulled wine
#GiantCheeseboard Long queue for 2 cold, tasteless cheeses, tepid watered down mulled wine. Finally! Joined the throng of people leaving. What are the chances of getting our money back???? Pigs might fly, while Tom Anderson has a pocket load of dosh. #giantcheedeboard#disgrace
— Lucy Heath (@lucyheath19) December 16, 2017
People are calling it the British Fyre Festival
Me and @hannahjdavies are at the Giant Cheeseboard which is very much the fyre festival of novelty cheese based events
— Kate Solomon (@katiesol) December 16, 2017
In bits at the UK-equivalent of #FyreFestival, a £35-a-head "immersive giant cheeseboard" that turned out to be a chaotic wasteland in a tent serving cold mulled wine and unidentified crumbled supermarket cheese #GiantCheeseboard
— Dawn Herod Foster (@DawnHFoster) December 16, 2017
Talk about crushing dreams
Feeling fully vindicated in my life-style choice of never leaving the house to do 'fun' things with other people, ever, after reading the #giantcheeseboard hashtag.
— elleven cat tree (@ell3ctric) December 16, 2017
Looks like there are some serious questions to answer here
There’s a special place in hell reserved for people who promise and don’t deliver cheese.
If you were left high and dry, make sure you keep emailing until they reply:
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